The Road to Recovery Changes Everything
by eando4ever17
Summary: Kathleen witnesses a horrible crime, which leads to one thing and then to another when it concerns our two favorite detectives...EO eventually : THIS IS NOW BEING UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY.:
1. Tragedy

**A/N: Hey yall!! Sorry I haven't updated with a new story in…well, FOREVER lol, but I've been EXTREMELY unmotivated lately….and then I got to talking with zuzu1614, and we were talking about some things, as and right after she left(to go to **_**prom**_** lmao), I was thinking, "So…what should I wri- OMG!!! I know what I can write!!!", and so….the beginning of this story was born. The rest is on the fly, I swear I did not plan this story. Tell me what you think! Remember: the faster you review the happier I become, and everyone knows that the happier the writer, the faster the update! (Okay, no, that's not true with me lol…if you have any suggestions, tell me in the comments or PM me! Thanks!)**

**Summary: Basically, Kathleen has witnessed a horrible crime, and the road to recovery brings Olivia and all of the Stablers closer than they could have ever imagined.**

**Disclaimer: Sue me. You won't get anything – I'm broke. But just for good measure: Dick Wolf STILL owns them…grrrr……**

**(BTW, This first section is basically background info…for now anyway ;))**

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Elliot Stabler.

The name that every woman within a mile of the 16th Precinct knew. He was smart, sexy, and not even to mention amazing in bed. But wait – not everyone knew _that_. It was just obvious by the way he looked. I mean, come on, what man that looks like that could _not_ be good in bed? I mean _honestly_.

He's a man that can make you get hot with just a single look, a man who can make a woman's mind go blank just by speaking, a man who has every other man in the vicinity looking in the mirror and asking themselves, "What the _hell _happened to me," while at the same time getting their girlfriends and wives away from this man as fast as they could.

Because he was like that.

Ironically, he had a very small grasp on what he did to women (and, if it is their preference, men too). However – he knew he was hot. He knew he was good at his job. He knew that he was single. He knew that any woman in the city, including a few of the married ones, would take him without a second thought.

But he didn't go after them.

That was always the mysterious thing about Elliot Stabler: he could have any woman he wanted, but he refrained and never dated.

Sure, a few years ago when he was still married but separated, he dated a little bit. But not this time. Rumor has it that he hasn't gotten laid in over a year. But that's just the rumor mill for you, I mean, come _on_. There's no way a man that looks like that would go that long without getting some action, right? Just look at him! But, as rumors go, there was another one that explained it. No one knows if it's true, but I know that there are _quite_ a few bets going around. Wait, no, I take that back. Everyone with half a brain has a bet out on this. What are the bets about, you ask? Well, here it is.

Elliot Stabler hasn't gotten laid in a year because he wants someone in particular, and privately refuses to be with anyone else. Know who it is yet? I hope you do, because it is blindingly obvious, and if you don't…then I can't help but feel sorry for you.

**(A/N: I'm making everything from here on up on the fly ;))**

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**SVU Bullpen**

**Monday, April 5****th****, 2009**

**11:39 P.M.**

I'm sitting here watching him. Again. I try to resist…sometimes. But today I can't help to watch him, watch his perfectly chiseled chest rise with every breath, his brow furled in concentration as he quickly scribbles through the paperwork. I have a ton of it myself, but I don't really care – his face is much better to look at then the dull report that I'm supposed to be working on.

Obviously, we don't have a case, which is actually pretty bittersweet. The bitter part of it is that all we do is paperwork. The sweet part is that no poor random person is out there being raped, or an innocent child is getting molested.

"Stabler, Benson, we've got a case," Cragen yells, poking his head out of his office door to look at them. "Munch and Fin should be here any minute now with a witness, before they head off to Mercy."

Oops. Guess I spoke too soon.

"Who is it?" asks Elliot, turning around to address our captain's out-stretched head.

"I don't know. They said they'd explain when they got here," he replies, before going back into his office. Elliot shrugs and turns back around, before once again giving his attention to the job at hand.

Great, a victim. I wish some people weren't so evil and down-right cruel. I sigh out loud, and he looks up.

"You okay?" he asks me, trying to make his voice sound light and casual. The concern flashing in his eyes like a massive neon sign however, completely negates that fact. I give him a small, reassuring smile.

"Yeah, I'm good."

He nods and goes back to his previous occupation, but I can tell he isn't into it. His eyes show that he is concerned, but I know that he doesn't want to argue because he is afraid of fighting…and that could eventually lead to losing me again. Or is the other way around? Am_ I _the one who's scared?

Munch enters the bullpen, and is obviously stressed about something.

"Hey Stabler, don't freak out or anything, but-" He doesn't get to finish, because…oh my god! Kathleen!

Elliot and I stand up and run over to her at the exact same moment. He puts his hands on her shoulders and leans down so that he's eye level with her. His voice raises about 3 octaves, and his fear is clear in his voice.

"Kathleen, what happened? Are you okay?"

What if something _did_ happen to her? What if she was…oh god, no, not to Kathleen, not after what she's already been through…It'll break El. It'll break me.

The young woman in question looks up at Elliot, extreme pain radiating off of her in strong shock waves.

"No, but I wish it had been me instead," she says quietly, before bursting into tears and falling into her father's arms. I put my and on her back and rub soothingly. Placing my hand on El's back, he turns his head to meet my eyes. He reads them instantly and nods, letting go of his daughter and taking her face in his hands.

"Hey come on, let's go upstairs," he whispers to her, holding back his own tears. As they turn, he meets my eyes again, telling me to follow him, but in the process exposing his very soul to me. The raw emotions are so strong...I'm feeling what both of us are feeling and it's almost unbearable. I know he is doing the same.

Tears spill over my eyes and down my face. I never cry…in public, that is.

Elliot hurries quickly with Kathleen, walking fast so that hopefully no one can see his own tears that are dangerously close to spilling over. I follow them as he had requested.

This is killing me, watching El like this. I have never seen him this messed up…ever. And we've been through some tough shit.

Reaching the lounge, he makes to sit down, but I flick my eyes to the crib. He sees my message, and abruptly changes direction. As we enter, Elliot and Kathleen sit down on a bunk and I sit on her other side, taking her hand, while Elliot puts his arm around her.

I wonder what's happened? Kathleen is too torn up for it to have been just a "small" thing. She's seen something horrible, traumatizing even. And the fact that this is OUR case…SVU…oh god no…please don't tell me…

"Kathleen baby," I say softly, "Tell us what happened."

She keeps staring at the ground as she talks, and I feel the grip on her hand tighten on mine as she begins.

"I was…" she swallowed, before taking a deep, shaky breath and beginning again.

"I was walking home from work like I always do," I know about her job, she's recently gotten one at a small outlet store while trying to get back into school. El told mentioned it to me the other day.

"When I turned a corner and…there was Ashley. She was – " Kathleen cuts off, sobbing. Elliot grips her harder, and I look at him for the first time.

His eyes are slightly red and he is freely crying now, just like me. I can tell that he's trying to be strong for her, but it's too much for even the Stabler Shell. His eyes meet mine, and our joint pain meets in the middle, and suddenly I'm feeling even worse off.

His pain is my pain, and vice versa. This time though, I think the conjoined pain may kill us both.

"There was a man, on – on top of her. He - he - he was…_raping her_!"

At her last exclamation, any resolve Kathleen had just crumbled. She's cry loudly and freely, as Elliot pulls her to him.

I can't take this any longer, just holding her hand.

I get on my knees in front of her, and put my arms around her. She buries her head in my neck, so now there was a head on each side of her face. Since there's only one of her and two of us, we are in a three-way hug. One of El's arms are around me, and the other one is around Kathleen. Mine are both around her.

Behind Kathleen's back, mine and El's eyes meet. So many things pass between us at this moment.

I apologize for not telling him about Sealview, and running away emotionally.

He apologizes for not being there when I needed him.

I apologize for pushing him away.

He apologizes for not being persistent.

At this very instant, we accept the other's apologies.

I know we are one once again – almost, anyway. There's still much to be said, but…all will come to pass in due time.

But for now we just all hold onto each other for dear life, because if we make it out of this even _partially_ unscathed…it will be a miracle.

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**A/N: Please don't hate me for making it so sad! I must be extremely subconsciously depressed right now, because I have absolutely NO idea where ANY of that came from…**

**And if anyone is wondering, "How the f**k does she go from having a beginning like THAT to a story like this??"…I really can't answer that, because not even I know right now…OH WAIT. Nevermind, I just realized how this is all going to fit together LMAO! But for now, it will continue to just be background info.**

**ANNDDDD don't worry my EO shippers, this is an EO story, so don't flip or anything if the first chapter doesn't see promising…the whole thing with Kathleen anyway. Lets just say, she plays a VERY important part in the story…now and with EO later!**

**AND(this is the last "AND", I promise): As always, review! Thanks!**


	2. A Cause for Deep Thinking

**A/N: So here's the next chapter, I'm surprised I actually got it up this fast – I'm proud of myself lol…OH AND – I love getting the little messages that say that so and so has favored my story or has added me to their author alerts…but it would mean a whole heckuva lot to me if you were to sit down and write a review…Hell, I'm not picky, a review that simply says just, "Great" lol would suffice ********!**

**BTW I'm an idiot. Need proof? In my last chapter I said that it was 11 PM…well I meant AM, but PM ended up working out better…sign from up above? :))**

**Summary: See chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, laugh at me all you want Dick Wolf….**

**EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO**

**My Apartment/Bedroom**

**Tuesday, April 6****th****, 2009**

**8:16 A.M. (A/N: I got it right that time lol)**

Mmmm....this feels nice….wait a sec!

My eyes shoot open to look at what, or more specifically, _who_ I am lying on. I don't need to look though...his smell tells me everything that I need to know.

I slept with Elliot Stabler last night.

Okay, WRONG choice of words, that sounded like I meant we had sex. No, nothing happened last night…right?

Yeah, I remember everything now - the captain saying that we have a case, Fin coming in with Kathleen, all three of us falling apart…yeah, I remember. I also remember waking up with a pain in my knees. Apparently, when I fell asleep I was still on my knees. Brilliant. That was just a joint problem _waiting_ to happen.

Anyway…let's see…when I woke up, I…went into the locker room briefly to clean up. When I came back out, Kathleen and El were awake, and she said…damn it, what did she say? Everything's a blur…Oh yeah; she said that she didn't want to be without me or El, so we went to my place, since it was closer…

Then we came in, and she insisted on sleeping between the two of us…speaking of which, where the _hell _is she now??? I don't know…I'll look for her later. I'm just going to relish in this…God knows that I won't ever be able to lay with him like this again, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts…

Mmmm…he smells so _good_, and it's amazing how this feels – me laying on top of him, my head laying on his chest, legs spread to where his(legs) are between mine, my arms around his neck…one of his arms holding me close, while the other…

My eyes widen to the size of saucers in realization.

Oh. My. God. His hand is…it's cupping my ass. It's almost like all of my fantasies have been fulfilled…well, almost all of them anyway.

Oh my god, I'm starting to get _hot_…no, not now, of all times…ah, but these thoughts I'm having…they should be against the law to even _think _about having them…

Mmmm…and so time passes, as I close my eyes and doze on his chest.

It's been ten minutes since I woke up, and I have successfully memorized the way his body feels against mine, the way we fit together so perfectly, the way every curve matches up like a key in a lock…the way I raise slightly with his every breath, the way his hand feels on _me_.

I open my eyes and raise my head from his chest, I just want to see his face, and…OH MY GOD. SHIT. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. It's like I'm a deer caught in headlights.

His eyes are open, and just locked with mine.

Now I know he's been awake. God I hope this doesn't screw up everything we've been working so hard to fix lately…I don't think that I could handle it. I take that back – I _know_ I won't be able to handle it.

But I don't think that that's the case. No, it isn't. His eyes. They're light and showing he's…_happy?_

"S-sorry El, I don't know what happened last night," I said, stumbling over my words and removing my arms from his neck, "I mean," I added quickly, "I know what _happened_, but I don't know how we ended up like _this_." (With me literally on top you wearing a tank top and boy shorts, and you clad in only your boxers. And your birthday suit…but let's not go there Olivia, there's no need to have such dangerous thoughts…)

He's smiling. _Smiling_. Wait – I take that back. He's laughing. At me.

It's okay Liv," he says, eyes shining.

Looking down – at his bare chest, coincidentally – I blush profusely, and bite my lip. I can feel his eyes on me, amused and not seemingly not bothered one bit by the fact that we were basically in a "morning after" position, and are wearing next to nothing…_especially _him.

"Still," I say and look up, our eyes connecting again.

I sit up so I can get off of him, and suddenly, his eyes go dark as he looks up at me, and I mean, REALLY dark…I've never seen them this color before…but then again, I'm also seeing a lot of stuff that I usually don't when it comes to those eyes…but I swear…that expression is…_lust?_

_Something _is touching me that wasn't touching me a second ago…OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD…

I climbed off of him and left the room. I was in the hallway when it hit me.

Elliot and I had just been talking. In the same bed. Hell, in the same "bubble".

In the process, Elliot got _excited_.

About me being on top and looking down at him.

Oh my god…

Maybe…maybe he feels something for me too? No, he doesn't, he can't!

I don't know, but - Hey! I just realized something. He never let go of me even _once_ during that entire thing…so he must not have wanted me to go…

No. Elliot Stabler does NOT feel that way towards me.

Or does he?

Talk about confusing thoughts and conflicting emotions, WOW…

No. I can't think about this right now.

Even though Elliot and I have somehow managed to forget about his grieving daughter first thing in the morning…it's time to address her pain once more, and allow the healing to begin. I just hope she has managed to recover somewhat over the night, because if she is the same…I shudder to think what it will do to El. And to me.

**EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO**

**The Living Room**

**Thirty Seconds Later**

As I pad softly across the carpet and into the living room, I still do not see her.

Where could she have gotten off to? My apartment is only so big…

As I turn the corner, I find her in the kitchen, leaning over the sink. I walk over to her and place my hand lightly on her back, rubbing slow circles on and around her spine.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask her softly.

She rolls her head so that now she is looking at the ceiling.

"Better," she whispers.

"Come on."

I take her hand and lead her over to the couch, where we both sit down. She curls up into

a ball, and I pull her into me. We stay like this for a while, until she finally looks up.

"Olivia, why are you doing this?"

What does she mean, 'Why and I doing this?'

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." she pauses and looks down, before looking back up at me.

"This." She waves her hand in the air, as if to encompass the entire situation. "Helping

me. I'm already the family screw-up, and I've insulted you before…so why are you

helping me? Is it because of my dad?"

She laughs quietly.

"You'd do anything for him."

It was a statement, not a question. It makes me curious as what she thinks…or knows.

"Why do you say that?"

She looks at me oddly.

"It's…obvious."

I raise my eyebrows in a "keep explaining' expression. She sighs, and rolls her eyes.

"Olivia, I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at each other, the way you are always in synch. Haven't you ever noticed it before? It's like you know what the other is going to do before they even do it. It's like…" she trailed off and bit her lip, looking around the room and anywhere but at me; an expression that says quite clearly, 'I fucked up and talked too much.'

I sit here in amazement.

The way we _look_ at each other? We're not always in synch…(flashback of the past 11 years)…okay, maybe we are. But how does she know that we know what the other is going to do? Oh yeah, that goes with the whole, 'Always in synch' thing…But I want to know how she picks up on all of this. It took me years to figure out _half_ of what she's picked up on…hmm…

At this moment, I happen to spot Elliot hiding around the corner, obviously eavesdropping. I speak up loudly and address him.

"May I help you?"

He comes around the corner and into the living room, blushing - Kathleen looks horrified, knowing that he _must_ have heard our conversation –. He's now wearing a wife beater, which is more than earlier, even if it still leaves very little to the imagination…Mmmm…here goes my hormones-crazed thoughts again…

There's a knock on the door. Unthinkingly, Elliot walks over and opens it, not stopping to consider the repercussions of this action…depending on who it is, anyway.

**EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO**

**A/N: OOOOOh, who's it at the door? Cliff-Hanger! I know you must hate me right now, but I'm still trying to decide who it will be! Tell me who you think it should be in the reviews! Thanks!!**

**Oh and thank you so much for all of the awesome reviews I got! You guys rock!**

**See, TheGoddessPixie, I **_**told**_** you I wouldn't have curious Stabler children barging in on important moments… *AHEM*….but does that include listening at doors?**

**Anyway…you know what to do! Review please! Even a single word will suffice!**

**Thanks, love yall!**

**P.S. This is(I think anyway) my longest chapter ever! Yay!**


	3. A Pause Before The Start

**A/N: So, here we go again! I am updating…finally…and I just want to thank Sara Hudson for letting me be her beta during those few short weeks lol! Oh and, just for the record, my mom wanted IAB Home Inspection to be at the door lmao, but ya know, we don't need our fav. detectives suspended! Duh! Anyway…I am SOOOOOOO sorry for the long wait, I hope that you can all forgive me…please? All im saying is that writers block is a real bitch, plus the fact that my computer got a virus and died, plus no internet connection…yeahhhhh…but if it makes you feel any better, my peeps on youtube have been suffering too :) (why do I sound happy about that???? Im not!!! Ughhhh Idk lol)**

**Summary: Read the first chapter**

**Disclaimer: Do I still have to do this? We already know that Liv and El belong to him…Okay, fine, here it goes: I OWN NOTHING DICK WOLF OWNS IT ALL, THERE I SAID IT NOW LEAVE ME ALONE TO CRY IN PEACE!!!!**

****

And now, I have a boxer-clad Elliot Stabler standing in the doorway of _my _apartment.

Wow.

Oh, and three guesses who's at the door.

"Um, is there something I should be aware of detectives?"

Elliot is just standing there like a brain-dead idiot, his mouth slightly agape. I am staring in shock with my jaw on the floor, and Kathleen is like, "Shit." Actually, she mumbled "shit" when El opened the door, seeing as she knew who the person was.

"Ah, Captain," I manage to force out of my throat. "Good morning?"

Cragen's eyes go between me and El multiple times, as if trying to gauge how inappropriate the situation was, and uncover what happened in this very apartment last night. Then he spots Kathleen, and visibly relaxes. Keep in mind though, that this all transpired in about 3 seconds.

Turning his attention back to Elliot, who is STILL standing there like he is seeing a ghost, he asks, "May I come in, or are you going to keep me waiting out here?"

El just keeps standing there, and I have to yell his name (A/N: Hehehe don't we all wish) before he responded.

"Ah, yeah," Elliot stuttered, "C – Come on in." He backs up and makes room for Cragen to enter through. I caught Cragen rolling his eyes briefly before they met mine, and he gave me a sly smile. I swear to GOD, he should NOT be allowed to give out sly smiles like that – it's like he already knows what happened last night…speaking of which…

"So, do I even _want _to know what happened here last night?"

Elliot, Kathleen and I all blush in union. He chuckles lightly at our reactions, before sparing us all from answering.

"It's okay, I'm not going to ask for all the gory details," he moved his hand as if to wave the thought away. I – and everyone else in the room – let go of breaths we did not know we were holding.

"I just came by to see how much time off you guys would need."

"Uh…" I said, "I'm not sure. How much can you give us?"

Cragen looked thoughtful.

"Hmm…I suppose…Is a week enough time?"

I looked at El at the same moment he looked at me. We agreed that it was enough time – how, I don't know, but it's just one of those things we can do that others can't. I suppose that's what makes us different from all the other partners, and what makes us so close and efficient together.

I realized that Elliot still probably couldn't talk for himself, so I saved him the trouble and embarrasment. Just another little thing I do for him…

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding. "A week would be great."

Cragen pursed his lips, and looked around thoughtfully.

"Okay then. But if you ever need anything," he added, "Don't hesitate to call me. And if you need more time…well, I suppose that we can all put up with Munch's sludge for a little bit longer."

I gave my captain a small smile.

"Thank you." Nothing else needed to be said.

Nodding one last time Dumbledore turned on his heel and left the apartment, pausing only to say goodbye to Kathleen and the other half of his best detective.

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	4. An Interesting Situation

**A/N: Thank you serenityrayne417 for pointing out that I used Dumbledore instead of Cragen on accident – my mom just put in the 6****th**** movie when I was writing this and it was talking about Dumbledore so I got distracted :P blame her not me lol – anyway, I cant believe that im actually updating this fast, my new laptop has this kickass keyboard that is totally beast, and the fact that I have done practically nothing but watch Bones and SVU vids/eppis today helped too :) **

**Oh and I also noticed that in my rush to get that SHORT, and I mean so-short-it-was-almost-disgraceful chapter up, I forgot to put a concluding author's note. Of course, I wouldn't realize this untill I had already posted, so I was like, "F this im just gonna leave it cuz im too goddamn lazy to fix it", and so it didn't get fixed :P**

**DISCLAIMER: This is getting really old really fast. I don't own SHIT except the plot.**

**Anyway…heres the story! (hahaha I like how Im writing this authors note before even writing the story :P)**

****

**Residence of Elliot Stabler **

**Five Hours Later**

**Living Room**

After Cragen left and Elliot composed himself, we all took turns taking quick showers before heading out. El had crashed at my place so often over the past few months that I probably owned half of his wardrobe, easy. Kathleen wore some of my clothes since she had no others.

While El was in the shower, Kathleen had a small meltdown, everything from yesterday hitting her full force – again. I held her for what felt like hours, even though in reality it was only about five minutes. She apologized and I told her not to, but she did anyway. She's so stubborn, just like her father. It took an act of God to make Stablers change their minds.

Now we're at his apartment (which is conveniently only a few blocks away from mine), and Kathleen is in her room. I'm with El, and we're trying to decide what to do about the situation. I say that we should stay at his place because it has more space and Kathleen would be more comfortable, but…

"Liv, I just don't know. Maybe we should ask her."

I shook my head in exasperation.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past ten minutes!"

His brow furrowed in confusion, before realization finally hit him.

"Oh."

I rolled my eyes, and shot him a shit-eating grin to let him know I wasn't really angery.

"Yeah, 'oh'. So am I staying here? Or…"

"Yeah. You're staying here."

Suddenly, for some reason, I can't talk. Speak. Breathe. It's because he pulled me into a hug.

A forbidden hug, that crossed all of the lines that had been set before us, that defied everything that I told myself at night, that…that could never be crossed.

I melted into his form anyway.

Burying my face in the crook of his neck, we just stood there, two separate, independent beings who were completely dependant on one another in that moment.

"Thank you," he murmured softly into my ear. I pulled back to look in his eyes, which at the moment were the most beautiful shade of light blue.

"For what?" I asked, curious.

"Everything," he said simply, before pulling me into his embrace once more.

"For being there when I need someone to talk to, for sticking with me through my divorce and problems on the job, for…saving me from myself. For keeping me under control when I'm about to lose it. I guess overall…for living."

Pulling back for the last time, I struggled to hold back tears as I looked into his eyes. The emotion he felt was raw, as was mine. I cupped his cheek gently and gave him a small smile. I was going to tell him something when the doorbell rang.

Swallowing hard, I reluctantly dropped my hand as he walked away to open the door. When I heard the soft murmur of voices, I went towards the sound and ended up in a very particular situation. The phrase, "Holy fuck you have got to be shitting me," does not even begin to cover it.

Kathy was standing with Dickie and Lizzie right inside the door. There were multiple suitcases on the floor. Eli wasn't with them, but Kathy seemed to be trying to explain something to Elliot. I have no idea what is going on in my house. Hm. _My _house. Me and Elliot's house. Together. No, I can't fantasize. Not now – no matter how nice the mental picture would have been.

As I stepped out from behind the wall and into the threesome's sight, I received a large variety of looks.

Kathy looked slightly surprised and pissed, but tried to cover it up with pleasant surprise. Unsuccessfully, though.

Lizzie looked absolutely thrilled to see me, and visibly stopped herself from running towards me.

The pain and sadness I felt however, was from the look on Dickie's face.

Anger. Disgust. Contempt. Annoyance. Hatred. Overall, anything that could constitute as pissed off. The worst part of it was, was the fact that he didn't even try to cover it up.

****

**Ten seconds later.**

I can't believe it. Dickie?

Kathy's face was completely expected, but…Dickie. The boy that I have practically seen grow up, every day looking more and more like his father every day.

I don't understand.

_Kathleen _was always the bitter one, not Dickie.

Or so I thought.

Seeing my face, Elliot zeroed in on my eyes. The moment he did, all of the anger and confusion left his face, replaced by a look of concern. We stood like that for about a minute.

Kathy shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, and Lizzie could tell that _something_ was up. Dickie looked away, enraged.

Suddenly Kathy spoke, breaking the silence.

"Look, I have to go. I'll see you two later," she added to the kids. She walked out the door and left, not even bothering to say goodbye or hug her children.

****

**A/N: I was going to make this a HELL of a lot longer…but shit happens, and my dumbass computer has decided that it is going to be a complete and total bitch towards me. Ugh. I AM sorry that this is so short, but once I can figure out why its indenting like it is after the first line, I'll update ASAP. Promise.**

**If you want me to keep on going REGARDLESS of the stupid indenting…tell me and I will :)**

**-**

**Jess**


	5. Breakdown

**A/N: God help us all, I just recovered somewhat from writers block…at FOUR FREAKING AM IN THE MORNING!!!!! Sometimes I just have to wonder, "what the fuck" b/c of things like this at times like this xD**

**SO: here goes my attempt at writing again, sorry it took so long but my teachers have been PILEING on the work omfg…**

**DISCLAIMER: okay this is just pitiful now…I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND I SWEAR THAT IF EO DOESN'T HAPPEN THIS SEASON(11)SOMEONE WILL GET THEIR ASSES CHEWED BY MWAH!!!!!! (*cough cough* NEAL BAER & DICK WOLF *cough cough*)**

****

**Two Awkward Minutes Later**

"Kids…" Elliot said unsurely. "Go upstairs and unpack all of your stuff. I'll be up there in a few minutes."

I couldn't take my eyes off of Dickie, wondering how so much hate could be conveyed in a single look. It utterly broke my heart to see a child of Elliot's, especially one that looked so much like him, have that look towards me. The last had been Kathleen, _before_ she realized that I never had meant to break her family apart. Obviously, Dickie had taken on his sister's old attitude towards me.

Elizabeth was the first to break the tension by picking up her suitcase and lugging it towards the stairs past the living room. Dickie followed, but only after giving me one last, final glare.

It wasn't until they were out of sight that Elliot spoke.

"Liv," he said urgently, stepping towards me so that there was a bit less than a foot between us. "What's wrong?"

It was at that point that I realized I was crying. Not much, but a single tear somehow managed to make it past my self-control barrier. He came closer and reached up, wiping away it away. I can't believe he did that. It was just so…_intimate_. Something that lovers did, not best friends who had already crossed their unspoken line _quite_ a few times already in the same day. First with waking up, then with the hug(s), and now this.

"Liv, talk to me." His brow furrowed even more. "What's wrong?"

His face showed confusion, yes, but even more so concern. It touches me to my core, knowing that he really does care about me. Everyday I can't help but wonder just how much he cares…

"El…didn't you see the way he looked at me? He…" My internal levee began springing more cracks. "He can't stand me. He hates me, because I'm what tore your family apart, and I'm so sorry El, about all of this…I messed up your family, made you put up with all of my shit, and now I'm blubbering like a fucking baby because of what I caused."

By this time I can't even begin to control myself. Letting the tears finally fall for everything.

My mother, Sealview…El's family. My lack of one. All of the times we weren't sure if we'd ever make it out of certain situations, like with Stucky and Gitano, the countless times one of us has been shot, injured, or held hostage. Like I said, everything. And the worst part is that I cant even control myself like I usually can, and I hate that. Not being able to stay in complete control of myself always makes me feel weak.

"Shh, Olivia," he whispered, pulling me into his chest for a record third time today. He rocked us back and forth as I cried, cried, and even more so cried. It seemed as if I would, or could, never stop.

I have no idea how long we stood there.

It could have been minutes or hours. The pain that I felt, however, was unbelievable.

One thing that interests me is how we have never been like this before. I have never openly cried in front or around him, nor anybody else for that matter. If I have a say in it, that is.

He's never held me when I cried, most definitely. That was a line that we _never,_ and I repeat, _never_ crossed.

But we've crossed it now.

And there's no going back, no matter what.

****

**Stabler Residence**

**4:13 P.M.**

After I had my breakdown, El told me about how Kathy had gotten a high-paying job in Chicago, and didn't want to take the kids with her. The venom in his voice was unmistakable, especially for someone who is as close to him as me.

"She doesn't want responsibility for them anymore. I suppose she thinks that by running away she can just start over, and act like she doesn't have four children anymore." He spit out the sentences angrily.

"El," I said calmingly - and warningly. Three of the kids he spoke of were just upstairs. Kathleen had gone to sleep soon after we had arrived. I opened my mouth to reply when he cut me off.

"Please don't try to make excuses for her."

I frowned. This won't be easy.

"El, she's just trying to find herself again. After 20 years of her life -"

He jumped off the couch and onto his feet in one swift motion.

"She's running!" He yelled, not even bothering to restrain himself. "She doesn't give a fuck if I can't _afford_ two kids on my own! She doesn't _care_ about anything except herself!"

He has a point but still…

"El, she's probably just con-"

"Don't fucking tell me she's _confused_, Benson!"

That son of a bitch. How dare he.

"Benson? _Benson?_" I'm so pissed right now. He has no right.

"Yeah, _Benson!_" He shot back, his eyes a stormy midnight blue.

"So that's how you wanna play? After today, you're going to be a total ass to _me_, just because you're pissed at your ex? Who you left and then proceeded to sleep with two years after the fact? Huh? And you're taking it out on _me _because she's running! Maybe _this _is why she left!"

"Well yeah, I guess you'd know all about _running_, since it seems to be the only thing you're good at anymore!"

I feel as if he just sucker punched me in the stomach. How dare he. I came back. All of my anger is gone now. Just…

"And you know _why_ went back to her? _You left! _I had _no fucking one_, Olivia, _no one._"

He grit his teeth, before punching the wall, denting it slightly. His rapid breathing eventually slowed, and he finally looked at me.

Hurt is written all over my face, and the tears cascading seem to get his attention. I bit my lower lip, struggling not to cry. Two sobs escape me, and as soon as they do, I hide my face from his view with one hand before running towards the door, blindly stumbling.

I never even heard him behind me as he grabbed my other hand and forced me to turn and face him.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him. "You sonofabitch! I ran because you couldn't deal with us being partners after Gitano! And if I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who said that we couldn't be partners anymore! All I did was exactly what you said we'd have to do! Split! Goddamn you Elliot Stabler! Goddamn you."

I whispered the last sentence as tears flowed down my face and onto the carpet beneath our feet. His face is pain stricken, as I'm sure mine is too.

"Olivia…" he reached for my arms, which were folded across my chest in an attempt to keep myself from falling apart. I shrugged out of his reach, taking a step back. I looked everywhere except at him, though his eyes sought mine desperately.

"Liv, I didn't _ever _want you to go. _Ever_. Please understand that," he exclaimed earnestly.

This didn't make any sense. He had said that we couldn't be partners, not me.

My watery brown eyes met his now medium shaded blue ones.

"But you said…" I trailed off. I can't believe that I'm crying in front of him. Again. I really need to stop this.

"I meant," he began softly, "that our friendship couldn't affect our partnership, even though it always has, and always will. I was stupid, but I didn't want to see you go. Especially then."

He took another step towards me, and I tensed when he gently held my elbows between us. His words ran through my head from that day, oh so many years ago.

"…_otherwise…we can't be partners."_

He was scared when he realized that I couldn't take the shot. Afraid that one day, my hesitation could cost me my life. He was afraid for me and pushed me away to keep me safe. All it did was break us.

Just like we have been ever since then. Broken.

Occasionally, the pieces would fall together and we would get _so close_ to being the same as before…but never quite making it.

And now everything was making sense.

"El," I whispered, before uncrossing my arms and burying myself into his chest. His arms wrapped around me tight, pulling me even closer to him so we were flush against the other.

***************

Neither of them noticed the sisters who looked at each other in shock, before creeping silently back upstairs.

****

**A/N: So…tell me what you think! I went a bit angst in this chapter, and I think that it's actually one of the first times I ever have written it. Tell me your ideas, comments, etc. Critisism is accepted too, but please don't put something like this person put as a review for my first chapter:**

cc2010-01-16 . chapter 1

boy do you suck at writting. I mean MY GOD even my 5 year old could write better shit than this fucking stuff. If I were you I would hold my head in shame and I would never ever tell anyone that I was the author to this fucking mess

**Yeah…that's really a review, you can see it for yourself when u look at all of them. If you have something like THAT to say, then please, keep it to yourself.**

**Chapter 6 will be up…errmm…idk when cause ive got a lot of studying and makeup work plus regular homework to do, so…yeah…my teachers are bein bitches so I have very little time for writing. **

**Review! (:**


	6. Letting Go

**A/N: After reading my last chapter I was like, totally spazzing out b/c it was the first time I had read it, even though I had seen my AWESOME reviews and junk (: anyway when I finished reading (and spazzing out lol) I realized that I actually liked it and even went as far as to go and click the "next chapter" button. When one wasn't there I remembered that this was MY story, and I was all like SHYTEEEE! Because I wanted to read moreeee xD True story.**

**Anyway so this chapter I think is going to be difficult to write, since I sorta left it on a miny-cliffy for everyone :P**

**Heres the story!**

**DISCLAIMER: shit I almost forgot to do this accused thing. Damn you dick wolf, damn you…I OWN NOTHING! Happy now that my ego has once again been diminished? Eh? Are ya? Be-ach…;)**

**(ah and I just realized that the past few chapters have been in the same day…DAYUMMM…)**

**Oh and by the way; THIS CHAPTER IS FROM A REGULAR POV WHICH MEANS NOT OLIVIAS OR ELLIOTS!!!!**

**SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU**

**Living Room**

**7:03 P.M.**

Elizabeth Stabler crept down the stairs slowly and silently, checking to make sure that the coast was clear. When she was thoroughly satisfied with her findings, she half ran half tiptoed towards the kitchen. Grabbing a few cans of soup and bottles of water, she nearly made it to the stairs when her father's voice interrupted her undercover op.

"Lizzie, what do you have there?" asked Elliot, curious, and knowing that he had just busted his youngest daughter.

She winced and turned around slowly, thinking "Aw shit, I am _so_ screwed…"

"Nothing dad, just some water."

Her face must have given her away though, because he gave her a small smile and motioned for her to come towards him.

"Liz…" He raised a eyebrow, giving her that 'All Knowing' look that parents often give their children. "I'm not stupid."

"What?" she asked, feigning confusion. He raised _both_ eyebrows this time. She sighed and dumped her contraband in the reclining chair before sitting beside her dad on the couch.

"What's up?" he asked, concern clear in his voice.

She looked away for a minute, anywhere but at him. Finally, she met his eyes.

"I didn't know…I didn't know if Olivia was still here. We didn't want to interrupt you guys so…I volunteered to smuggle some food back upstairs." She was going to stop there, but for some reason felt that she needed to keep going. "We - Kathleen and I - saw what happened between you and Olivia. She was crying and junk…And we heard everything that you guys said. Dickie too. I really don't know what his problem is," she continued in a rush, "But he _really_ doesn't like Olivia. He called her…Well, he said something about her and I got so mad that I actually _slapped_ him, and I've never hit _anyone_ before, and -"

Her cut her off there.

"It's okay," he assured her, putting his arm over his daughter's shoulders. "Well," he added after a moment, "It's not okay…but it will be. We'll make it though this, you hear me? We will."

"Just…What about Olivia? You guys sounded so mad and then all of a sudden she was crying and you were holding her and…" she trailed off and looked at him fearfully, knowing that she had said too much.

Elliot frowned and pulled his arm back to cover his face.

"You guys saw that?" He asked through his hands.

"Yeah." Lizzie admitted. "At least, Kathleen and I did. And to be honest…" She sniffled, holding back tears. "None of us knew that mom was going to Chicago. She just said that she need us to stay with you for a little while." Finally her internal dam broke, and she began to cry. Elliot pulled her to him and held her, feeling shitty because his kid was upset and there was nothing he could do about it.

Finally, she pulled back and wiped her face with her hands.

"Thanks. I haven't cried in…a long time. I needed that."

He gave her a reassuring smile.

"If you ever need anything, remember that I'll always be here as long as I'm still breathing."

She nodded and smiled. Standing up, she was stopped at the stairs with the food when she turned around suddenly as a random thought crossed her mind.

"Uh, dad? Where's Olivia?"

A shadow of a frown crossed the detective's face before he answered.

"She said that she had to clear her head. She'll be back."

"Are you sure?" Lizzie inquired. "That was one of the things that you accused her of…running…"

He gave her a thoughtful look before replying.

"No," he shook his head, "She won't run. She has something to stay for now."

She started towards the stairs, before turning and giving him a odd look. After a moment, she went upstairs to ponder what he meant when he said, 'She has a reason to stay now.'

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**9:38 P.M.**

The front door opened and closed again. A small smile graced Elliot Stabler's lips; he had been right. She had come back. And, by the way it sounded, with a 12-pack of beer.

Standing up, he moved toward the noise coming out of the kitchen. Leaning on the doorframe he smiled, seeing Olivia unpacking the cardboard case and shoving beers in the fridge. She left two out, however. One for him and one for her, he presumed.

Finally she looked up - and nearly had a heart attack in the process.

There was no telling how long her best friend (and then some) had been standing there, grinning like an idiot.

"Dammit Elliot!" She exclaimed violently, nearly dropping the beers she was holding to go for her gun…Which she then remembered was in the living room.

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence and shrugging. She rolled her eyes and laughed, shaking her head the whole while.

"C'mon. I didn't buy these for the hell of it, now did I?"

As she walked by him, he took his beer from her hand.

"How is the weather out there?" He asked randomly, not knowing what else to say. She chuckled lightly before raising an eyebrow at his question. He sat down on the sofa, and she curled up on the end opposite him.

"The weather? Really El. Even _you_ can come up with something better than that."

"_Well_," he emphasized, "Do you have anything better to talk about? Besides work?"

Olivia took a swig of her beer, thinking. El took this golden chance of opportunity to tilt back his and down three consecutive mouthfuls. She looked at him thoughtfully.

"El…did you ever chug? Even for a dare or something?"

He gave her a mischievous grin; one that - she noted - was rarely given by Elliot Stabler. This time, it was his turn to raise an eyebrow.

"You tryin' to get me drunk, Benson?"

She stuck her tounge out at him. His eyebrows nearly met his hairline.

"What?" she asked.

"I've never…" he shook his head, still shocked. "I've never seen you do something so…_immature_."

She only laughed.

"Ah, Elliot…there are _so_ many things…you know everything about me except the _other_ side of me."

"Oh really?"

He leaned forward, intrigued.

"What is this 'other' side that you're talking about?"

He had to ask, even though he was pretty darn sure that he knew the answer. She laughed even harder.

"I think we should have a few more beers before I tell you _that_."

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**Two Hours (and Eleven Beers) Later…**

"…And then, the dumbass just took off his shirt and said 'I'll prove to you I'm a man!'"

Elliot and Olivia both doubled over - from their sitting positions - from laughter. Over the past hour or so, they had been sharing more…personal information with each other. Now, they were on the subject of exes, and, more importantly, their worst dates ever.

"I can't belive," Elliot choked out between breaths, "That he would say somethin' like that!"

Olivia giggled drunkenly, swaying dangerously and nearly tipping - what was left - of her fifth beer onto the floor.

"Tell me about it! And then I just walked out of the bar and left him alone with everyone in there!"

"Are you serious! Wow!"

After their laughter finally subsided, she put her beer down and flopped across the couch, which they happened to be sharing. She ended up looking up at him a few inches away from his thigh.

"Can I help ya Liv?" he asked her, grinning.

They were both so far beyond FUBAR (fucked up beyond all reason) that neither could see straight, much less walk.

"Yeah," she replied, "You can get your ass of the couch and let me pass out in peace." She stuck her toungue out at him - for the second time that night.

If Elliot had had one more drop of liquor, he would have kissed her right then and there. However, since he _hadn't _consumed that one little drop, he resisted and went for the stairs (stupidly) instead.

He wobbled for a moment before falling flat on his ass. Olivia laughed so hard that she began to cry, unable to control the whole "volume throttle" thing.

On the stairs, Kathleen and Elizabeth held back their laughter as they watched their extremely drunk father and equally drunk partner laugh themselves to border-line hysterics. It was a sight to see: two hard-ass detectives laughing to the point of tears, and one of them rolling around on the floor.

What would their captain say?

Honestly, he'd probably applaud them for _finally_ just letting go.

As Elliot and Olivia passed out, Elizabeth turned off her camera/recorder. It was going to be funny seeing their reaction when they popped _that_ home movie in.

**SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU SVU**

**A/N: So? Whatcha think? Was that any good for a new chappy? Oh, and I MUST apologize for the LONG AS HELL wait, but theres this little thing called SNOW ON THE USA EAST COAST DROPPING 2 FEET EVERY WEEK AT LEAST, so….yeah :P And when you live in the mountains, you tend to lose power QUITE often sooo…yeahhhh…**

**Remember: Reviews make a happy writer!!!!!**


	7. Hung Over

**A/N: Hello my dears, I absolutely LOATHE the fact that I havent posted in like FOREVERRR, but ive been doing a bunch of shyte for school (gr you ms. P…grr…), ANDD the EOCs are in like…well yeah you get the point…PLUS softball just started again SOOO…NO MORE CHUBBY ME! WOOT WOOT! Lmao :P**

**I hope you like this chappyyyy, and I am SO, once again, SO sorry that this took so long…and I hope that this can, at**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. ))))::::**

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**Stabler (and, for the moment, Benson) Residence**

**Living Room**

**10:18 A.M.**

Olivia rolled over, which, as she was about to find out, was a very unfortunate movement. It made her fall off of the couch and onto the top half of her unconscious partner, who just happened to still be asleep. A simultaneous groan was pulled from both of them; Liv wasn't light and it hadn't exactly been a soft landing.

"Fuck," complained Elliot. "What the hell…?" He trailed off as his eyes opened to a strange sight - it seemed there was a olive colored screen over his eyes.

"Oh shit El, I'm sorry!" exclaimed Olivia, rolling off of him. Then, she decided to open her eyes to the blinding sunlight streaming through the windows; she quickly discovered that that was a very bad idea. She closed her eyes as a pounding headache ensued.

"Ugh," said El, sitting up. "What happened last night?"

Rubbing her aching temples, she winced as the memories - fuzzy, very hazy memories, but memories all the same - came flooding back. She stood up and stumbled blindly, trying desperately to close the blinds that were letting in the vicious light.

Finally, she succeeded in closing them, and barely was able to make it to the couch before collapsing. She sat with her elbows on her knees, her hands covering her face. As she answered, her voice was slightly muffled.

"I do believe, that between the two of us, we downed an _entire _twelve pack of beer."

Elliot rubbed his eyes before standing up shakily.

"What the fuck were we thinking…" he mumbled, more to himself than to Olivia.

"Great question," she replied, wondering the exact same thing.

For the next hour or so, they each took showers (at different times, of course), ate, and put on comfortable clothes; neither had any intention of going anywhere for the next 24 hours at least. Thankfully, it was a old Stabler tradition for the teenagers to sleep in to at _least_ one o'clock on the weekends, so they didn't have to worry about the kids seeing them epically hung-over.

Around twelve, Elliot had walked out of the bathroom and into his room, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel. He had partially removed it when he saw Olivia stand up, a grey NYPD tank top in her hand.

Her eyes widened to the size of UFOs, and her mouth dropped open. The shirt fell to the floor, momentarily forgotten as she covered her face with her hands.

"Oh gosh, El, I'm so sorry!" she gushed, immediately turning around.

He quickly reached over and grabbed a pair of sweatpants, dropped the towel and pulled them on quickly.

"It's okay Liv, you can look now," he reassured her softly.

She pried her fingers from her face, peeking between them first, just to make sure.

Even though he had put a pair of pants, his strong, chiseled chest was there for all to see. She found herself checking him out, even as she walked past him and out the door, closing it behind her. In the hallway, she closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, biting her lip in an attempt to calm down.

She had just nearly seen her best friend of…well, many, many, many years completely naked.

Now, Olivia couldn't deny the fact that she HAD wanted to see him like that, but at the moment, it probably wouldn't have been the best thing that could have happened.

_At the moment, anyway…_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry its so short, but you'll get another one sometime this week - be on the lookout!**

**Plus, I figured I'd go ahead and post this, b/c I have to go to my dads (no internet or laptop) untill Wednesday, but I SHOULD be back Wednesday night or Thursday, Friday night at the latest. (THANK YOU LORD FOR EASTER BREAK!!!!!)**


	8. Confrontation

**A/N: Yes, I am aware that I am a terrible person. I am actually rather self-loathing at the moment, seeing as how long I have gone without updating. Seeing as today is my birthday, I figured that I should write something. Sorta like, a birthday gift to others for MY birthday. If that makes sense. Which I doubt it does. :P**

**Much has happened. Oh yes, much much MUCH has happened.**

**I'm in my freshman year of high school, I've fallen for a college guy who may or may not like me back (who also happens to be my 2****nd**** best friend's brother), I am making the best grades ever, have the best social life OF my ENTIRE life, I just got a bloody freaking CAR for my birthday…pretty much, my world is perfect.(For the first time EVER, I promise you.) Minus the no-updating part. I feel terrible for what I've done to yall, so right now I am trying to give you all an update. After almost a year. Please, do not eat me. (Too much.)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf and NBC own it all. (For now. ;))**

**Later That Day, Around 5ish.**

"So, dad. How long have you been sleeping with Olivia?"

The unexpected question from none other than Richard Stabler stopped all friendly conversation at the dinner table. Every eye turned to him, and it became deathly quiet as each person tried to comprehend the rudeness of his statement.

"Excuse me?" Elliot asked quietly; dangerously.

Dickie rolled his eyes before narrowing them. He bit his lip in apparent anger, before leaning forward against the table.

"You heard. How long have you been sleeping with the home-wrecker?" Elliot nearly saw red and made a move to get up, but Olivia placed a calming hand on his forearm. Dickie cut off anything he was going to say, by continuing. "You _know_ that's why you and mom split; she was tired of you banging your partner up one side and down the other. She _knew_ about you two! _That's_ why she left! She was tired of being cheated on!" By this point he had reached a full yell. "She was tired of being _second _to some – some – cheap whore, who only goes for married men!"

Before anyone could react, Dick was down on the floor, his chair tipped backwards, with an extremely pissed off Kathleen on top of him. She had jumped clear over the table to attack him. They rolled across the floor as she covered him with punches. When he tried to fight back, she smacked his face.

"Shut the hell up! Olivia has been nothing but good to us! She has _not _slept with dad, because if she had, they would have told us!"

Elliot pried Kathleen off of a now bleeding Dick Stabler.

"She's not mom!" Suddenly screamed Lizzie. Her voice was shrill and high-pitched. "Mom was cheating on dad for _months_! _Months_! With different guys, too!" Her eyes became huge, and she slapped her hands over her mouth. "I didn't say that," she whispered. "I didn't." She ran out of the room, her mouth still covered.

Through all of this, no one had heard Olivia's input. Elliot felt a sudden loss, right before he heard a car start in the driveway. He ran out the front, to see her about to leave.

"Olivia!" He shouted, sprinting towards the car. "Liv!"

She pulled out into the street, and stopped when he jumped in front of the car. She rolled her window down angrily.

"What do you want, El? Huh? Your kids hate me, okay! And not to mention they think we're sleeping together! I need to leave. I can't…I can't be here. You need to fix things with your kids. I'll see you…whenever."

"Liv."

His voice was low, and the only thing that stopped her from leaving was the desperate need residing in it. She let out the air of one who was crying, but refused to let the tears themselves fall. A pressure on her hand caused her to look up, and she saw his hand wrapped around her smaller one that sat on the steering wheel. She looked into his eyes as his grip tightened.

"I need you for this. Please. I can't…I'm not…" He took a deep breath, steeling himself. "I need you to help me with this. The girls, they know, they get it. It's Dickie with the problem. I don't know where I went wrong as a father…I take that back. It was probably the fact that I was never home, and he became overly attached to Kathy." Olivia flinched at the sound of his ex-wife's name, but he was looking away and thusly missed it. His eyes were on hers again in an instant as he felt her move.

Silently pleading for her to stay.

Olivia let out a breath and closed her eyes. Her options were simple; run, like she always did when things got too hot to handle in her personal life, or stay and fight for what was rightfully hers.

_Rightfully mine?_ She asked herself. _What is rightfully mine? I ripped apart his family. I killed his marriage. I broke his bonds with his son. Hell, Dickie was right. I _am_ nothing but a home-wrecker, even if I technically never did sleep with El. Sleeping with El. Now there's an interesting concept…_

A loud honk from the car horn behind her startled her out of her reverie. She had to make a choice, and she had to make it now.

She looked out at the road, and what lay around the bend. Then she turned her eyes towards their hands, his clasped over hers. She felt the heat radiating from it, and the fire his very touch had always stirred within her. She felt his thumb move over the back of her hand, stroking it calmingly. She looked up at him, and he gave her a small, nervous smile. The softness in his eyes melted whatever was left of her fear, and she let go of the wheel so she could flip her hand up and entwine their fingers. She gave him a gentle squeeze, and let it go slowly, before putting the car in reverse.

A broad smile stretched across Elliot's face as he watched her drive back into their driveway, much the annoyance of the red Honda Accord that was waiting to pass.

_Our driveway?_ He asked himself, shaking his head. _Our driveway. Really, Stabler,_ he chastised himself.

Walking across the yard and to the door, he leaned against the frame and watched her approach him confidently. It seemed she knew exactly what she had to do, and no longer had any qualms about it.

"El," she asked, stopping a foot or so in front of him. "Can I…can I talk to him? Alone? I think…it would be better that way. So I could explain things and answer his questions without you wanting to blow up every few seconds." By the end of her sentence, she was hiding a grin, though not very well.

"Please," he said, raising an eyebrow. "As if you don't have a temper too. How many times have I stopped _you_ from attacking a perp?"

They chuckled as they entered the now, silent house.

Elizabeth was in the dining room, cleaning up the mess her siblings had made. Their moods dived as they watched her pick up the plates and take them to the kitchen, where they heard water begin to run. Elliot shifted his eyes to Olivia's, and she nodded. He went into the kitchen to talk with his youngest daughter, and she headed for the stairs.

It was sad how well she knew his house. She had only been there on a few occasions, but already she knew where each child slept, where the master bedroom was, and the fastest way to get from the living room to the bathroom. The latter was for the times she had come over for dinner, and Kathy had became…not very nice, to put it rather lightly.

She walked to the second door on the right, and knocked gently.

"What?" An annoyed male voice answered. Instead of asking to come in, she just turned the knob and entered.

Dick was laying on his bed with an iPod in his hand. One earphone was out, and he was propped up against a small stack of pillows; the very picture of teenage angst.

"Look, Dickie," Olivia began, "Don't talk. Just listen. Can you do that?"

He pulled his other earphone out angrily and made to say something when she cut him off with a gesture.

"I never slept with your dad. I don't know who told you that…but I promise you, it's not true. I admit that we are closer than most partners, but I swear to you, it is nothing but platonic. Elliot would never have cheated on Kathy, nor would he harm you guys in any way. In that case, neither would I. Yes, there have been times when we were put in seemingly compromising positions; late night work calls and such. However, I promise you that they were all just that; work calls. I never told him to leave you guys, he chose that on his own. In fact, I tried to convince him to stay."

At this, Dick looked at her, shock showing through the anger. Olivia raised her eyebrows, her own surprise evident.

"You didn't know." It was more of a statement then a fact. "You didn't know that during our coffee and lunch breaks, I tried to talk to him about it. That I tried to convince him to stay, to stay with his family. You didn't know…"

She trailed off and seemed to ponder it for awhile, before Dick broke the silence.

"You told him to stay?"

His voice reeked of disbelief, and yet still, there was a hint of honest curiosity and what may have been...possible understanding. She gave him an odd look.

"Yeah, I told him to stay. I also told him to try and work things out with your mom, even though…" Her face darkened, and she fell silent.

"Even though what?" Dick's voice was quiet as he asked a question that he wasn't quite sure he wanted the answer to. Olivia was hesitant to answer, but seeing the look on the young Stabler's face crumbled her resolve. She looked away, before answering in an equally quiet voice.

"She cheated. He left her the first time because things just weren't working out, but the second time, he left because she cheated on him with a guy we worked with." She scoffed. "A uni. Barely out of the academy. _Maybe _twenty-six, at the most. He was attractive, but…well, let's just say, he's no Elliot Stabler."

Dick's face crumbled as he heard the words he had secretly dreaded. All along he knew of his mother's…_indiscretions_, but he had always held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, it was all a lie. He had also hoped that the woman he had had a crush on for years, and a good woman through and through, was to blame for his family falling apart. Only so that his mother was not to blame.

_Everything I stood up for is a lie, _he thought sadly. _Why can't Olivia be what I wanted her to be? Why can't she just be the whore who slept with my father, and broke up my family in the process? Why does she have to be…good? Why? Dammit, Kathleen and Lizzie were right the entire time. No wonder Maur didn't want to get in the middle of our drama…who could blame her, really? I guess she was the lucky one, the one who got to get away from all this mess…_

He was torn from his thoughts as Olivia shifted uncomfortably on his bed.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly. "I…I wanted to believe her. I really did. I just…I can't…I can't trust you yet. Do you get it? I mean, it's like, I know that you didn't do all of those things I accused you of, and all that junk…but I mean…she's my mom. I need…ughhh." He trailed off and buried his face in his hands, trying to block out the world and set straight all of his racing thoughts and mixed emotions.

Olivia smiled slightly, and rested her hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Dickie. You need time, I get it. My mother…well, never mind. That's a story for another day. A day when you've sorted everything out in your head."

He nodded silently, and she got up, leaving the room and taking with her his ability to stem his emotions. She never heard the sob that escaped the moment she closed the door.

**A/N: So? What do you think? Is it shit? Is it beast? I dunno, you tell me! :D**

**Review, loves! :D :D :D**

**3**


	9. Control

**A/N: Here we go, again(: **

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I own nothing, blah blah blah. [insert usual song and dance here.] **

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**Immediately After Previous Chapter.**

"So, how'd it go?"

Elliot's curious voice came from the direction of the couch, where he slouched with his right arm around the back of it. Olivia sighed as she sat down beside him, his arm inadvertently going around her shoulders. She unconsciously leaned into his embrace, before realizing her position. She sighed again and closed her eyes. _I guess I might as well cross another line, right? We seem to be on a line- crossing spree anyways… _She shrugged mentally, then rubbed her eyes before resting her head on his shoulder.

"To be honest? It went better than I thought it would," she said, answering his question.

He just looked at her.

She rolled her eyes knowingly, and smiled lightly despite herself.

"Please, Stabler. Just because we're partners and he's your son, does not mean that you get a play- by- play of our conversations."

He continued to simply gaze at her, throwing a bit of helplessness and a hint of puppy dog eyes in there to help weaken her resolve. She punched him lightly in the gut, before settling back down comfortably. Ignoring his melodramatic grunt of pain, she paused before allowing him a small amount of insight into her previous conversation.

"Mostly, I talked and he listened. I told him that we were never an item or whatever, not even on the side, no matter what it looked like. I also told him…" She tilted her head so she could look at his face. "I told him about Kathy…and Rick."

He was silent for a moment, a completive look on his face as he digested what she had just admitted. Olivia knew one of two things was going to happen. Either he would be okay with it and move on, or he would get pissed and possibly start yelling. She hoped for the first, considering the day they had already had so far…but then again, this _was_ Elliot. And Elliot was prone to yelling. A lot. _Though...it is pretty hot though. No! Olivia Benson, you are NOT allowed to think like that when he's...like this...and you're...right there and...oh hell. Just NO. I really shouldn't be thinking like this anyways. He's my freaking PARTNER for Christ's sake... _her thoughts trailed off as he shifted suddenly, and she was thrown back into the present moment.

He kept her in a constant state of apprehension for every moment he did not respond to her.

After a minute or so, though, he simply shrugged.

"Well, he had to find out some way or another. Honestly, I didn't want to be the one to tell him. So I guess…thanks for getting that out of the way." Olivia was surprised at his reaction, seeing as how she had been expecting him to be angry. _I suppose we have gotten too distant lately…we definitely need to work on that. Among other things? No, _she chastised herself. _Elliot is not allowed. Stop thinking about him. Period._

The object of Olivia's thoughts continued his previous sentence after a few moments.

"How did he take it?"

She let out a humorless laugh.

"Well, how do you think? I tell him that the real reason why his family went to the shitter was because his mother cheated on his father, and not the other way around. The mother that he held right up there with God himself."

Elliot sighed and pulled Olivia into him, burying his face in her hair. The action stunned her, but she recovered quickly and put her arm around his front, allowing herself to press against his form. Every nerve in her body was suddenly awake and wired, aware of everything. The way he smelled was crisper than it usually was, a mix of his place and hers. His body, hardened by relentless workout sessions and chasing perps, was gentle and giving towards her equally hard one. She could feel his breath against her scalp and the hardness of his arm around her as he held on to the one person he had always been able to trust. The one person who stood by his side no matter what other people said, thought, or did. The person that had been to hell and back with him, multiple times. The person he had invited into his home with his children. The person that could have been so much more than just a cop. She could have been a mother, a nurturer. Instead, she was alone.

_No, she has us._ Elliot thought suddenly. _We're her family. Me and the kids. She'll never be alone again, if I have anything to say about it._

As he held his best friend, confident, or whatever she was now in his arms…something clicked. Fell into place. Perhaps the stars aligned to give him this insight into his life, or maybe it was just sheer dumb luck that allowed him to see things that he had never noticed before.

"Liv," he asked, pulling back and looking into her liquid chocolate eyes, "Why are you still here?"

She looked a taken back at his statement, and began to unwrap herself from him when she felt a resistance.

"I didn't mean-" He paused and took a moment to use his strength to overcome her weak attempt to escape and pull her closer. "I didn't mean, why are you still here with me right now, I meant…" He closed his eyes and looked away for a second, before returning to her confused and slightly hurt gaze. He fixed his eyes on hers, and Olivia noticed that something was…different…in the way he looked at her. It was the same look he gave her when he was trying to say something, but there was that small emotion she had always noticed before yet never been able to place; only now, it was intensified. _Oh. Did he...maybe...did he figure it out? He is smart, and he knows me inside and out. (Yeah, you wish.) Shush._

"El," she said softly. "Just tell me."

He bit his lip slightly, drawing her eyes to the area. She blushed slightly and thanked the Lord (or whatever higher power that was out there) that the lighting in the room was dim, and he missed it.

_A blush? Blushing. Really. Well, maybe blushing is okay. But that just does NOT happen, most especially when it is right in front of Elliot himself. He is most definitely NOT allowed to know about these things. It's so hard to control after every time he gets pissed at a perp, and the times when…Mhm...Wait. This train of thought is really not helping my blood- flow issues. I shouldn't think about this right now. Or ever, for that matter. What the hell is wrong with me? It's never been this hard to control. Not to mention how utterly wrong it is for me to - _She shook away her encompassing thoughts and returned her eyes to his as he continued.

"Why do you stick around and deal with my shit? You could go somewhere, be with someone, have…anything you wanted." He shook his head in disbelief. _It_ _seems to be a common emotion when it comes to Stabler men today_, she noted. "But instead, you stay here, and help clean up the messes I and my family make. You have my back in everything – even when you think I should do something differently. You help with the kids, and…well, what I'm asking, is…why? Why do you do it?" His eyes were deep, bottomless pools of blue as they seemed to stare into her very soul. She hesitated to answer, her voice soft and low. However, she had not needed to think about her answer; if only because she had known it before he had asked.

"You're my partner. For better and for worse, you're by my side, day in and day out. You're also my best friend, who I can tell everything to. You have my back too, by the way. This isn't a one way street. You offered you help when my mother died – not that I would accept it – but you offered, and that was the point. You continued to be friends with me after my…absolutely idiotic move a few years ago." She didn't even have to remind him of it; those days were lodged clearly in his mind, forever and always. There would be no forgetting those memories. "You've helped me though so many things…and honestly? You're everything, El. You and the kids…everything." She adverted her eyes and forced back a slight blush at her admission.

_Again? Really? I seriously need to have a talk with my circulatory system._

To lighten the situation and in an attempt to get him to stop looking at her like that, she looked at him and added, "Now don't make me say it again," with a shy smile that couldn't help but reach her eyes. A broad smile swept across Elliot's face and he stood, pulling her by the hand so she ended up coming with him. He pulled her into his arms for one of their forbidden hugs, except this one was stronger and more powerful. More meaningful. It was full of his appreciation and happiness at how much she truly cared about him and his children. It spoke volumes about how much had changed in mere days between them; how much they had finally given up on keeping gravity at a distance.

He pulled back first; he looked in her eyes before pressing their foreheads together and whispered, "Thank you. For everything." Olivia's breath caught in her chest when his danced across her face. If her eyes hadn't already been closed, she knew they would have been in that moment. _But why,_ she wondered. _I have this under control. Right?_

When he finally let her go, she swayed slightly without his body to support her. A slight scuffle announced that Elliot had taken the stairs.

It would be minutes before she finally opened her eyes.

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**A/N: Okay, so. Did you all like how I went back and forth from the story to Olivia's thoughts? Or should I just keep more to the storyline? (Yall have to talk to me here, I really can not judge my own stuff that well. :P And yeah, I know it's only one scene, but that IS where the scene ended, and I really just felt the most comfortable ending it there. :)**

**I will also, OFFICIALLY, be posting chapters every Wednesday from now on.**

**Oh, and I am ALSO going to be open for story requests, because I'm sure a few of you would like a few things thrown in here and there, and some of which I knowwww I would be more than willing to submit :)**

**But 'chyaaa.**

**Oh, and remember Reviews are what I love…they aren't necessary, BUTTT, ya knowww…they DO inspire my muse, QUITE a bit…;) Along with boost my ego, among other things(:**


	10. Another One Breaks

**A/N: New chappy, just like I promised(:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf and NBC own it all; I just borrow them sometimes ;)**

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**Two Days Later, Around Midnight.**

"Olivia?"

A soft voice whispered down the stairs and across the silent living room. A bundle on the couch sat up slightly, and turned on the lamp beside its head.

"Lizzie?" asked the woman revealed by the light.

There was just enough light for them to make out each other's features, and Olivia swallowed a sigh as she saw the tear- tracks on the youngest Stabler's face. She sat up and threw the blanket halfway over the back of the couch, and moved her legs over the front of it, placing her feet on the floor. She opened her arms, and Lizzie wasted no time in jumping into them. Olivia rocked back and forth as the girl cried, making circles over her spine with one hand while cradling her head with the other.

"Shh, it's okay kiddo, it's okay," Olivia reassured her calmingly. "Just let it out, just let it out."

Olivia's heart broke for the teenager weeping in her arms.

_Lizzie has been pretty quiet throughout all of this…I should have known she was reaching her limit. _Olivia sniffed slightly and pursed her lips, looking up at the ceiling in hopes to quell her approaching tears. _I can't believe Kathy. Who would give this up? Four kids – three living with her, and one in college. Yeah, Kathleen had her issues with drugs and guys, and Dickie had his Army stage, and they got through it…but Lizzie was solid gold. _

_Was._

_Kathy pulling this little stunt just may have fucked with her mind for good…ugh, I knew I should have kicked her ass. What the hell was she thinking? "Hey, since I have a sexy as hell 1__st__ class detective for a husband, I'm going to go fuck around with some little uniform guy who has nothing in his jacket except Academy results and a mandatory psych workup, and THEN I'm going to have the guy get me pregnant and pretend it belongs to that aforementioned husband of mine."_

_Seriously._

Suddenly, she heard a noise come from the stairs, jerking her abruptly away from her thoughts. She turned her head slowly in order to avoid upsetting Lizzie, but… there was no one there. Her momentary anger towards Kathy vanished, and all was left was the sorrow she felt for the young blonde in her arms.

Olivia continued to simply hold and rock her, whispering calming nothings into her ear every now and then.

After awhile, Lizzie stopped crying and simply curled up against her, her head lying on her shoulder.

"You wanna talk about it?" Olivia asked quietly.

She felt the teen in her arms shift, and she found herself face- to- face with an exact replica of her partner's eyes. Even though they were bloodshot, and the areas around them (including her nose) were red and slightly puffy…she was still a beautiful girl. _It's a wonder Elliot hasn't been chasing away suitors for her, _Olivia mused silently.

Lizzie bit her lip for a second, before letting it go.

"You can tell me anything, honey. And if you don't want me to tell your dad, then I won't."

Blue met brown for a moment, possibly assessing the truth of brown's statement.

Then Lizzie sighed. _That's the kind of sigh someone like me should have, not a fifteen- year old who... _Olivia's thoughts were cut off as Lizzie began to speak.

"I'm sorry, Livvie," she said, apologizing with the nickname she and the others had given Olivia years ago as children. "I just…I know that I can trust you. It's like…after living with mom..." she trailed off and her face contorted into mixed anger and pain for a second, before going back to its previous state. "I forget sometimes who the good guys are and who the bad guys are."

Olivia gave her an inquiring look.

"You know;" she said, shrugging. "The good guys and the bad guys. It sounds a bit juvenile, but basically, it means who you can trust and who you can't. I never could trust her, really…every time I opened up and told her something personal – which Kat and Maury always advised against – she would run off and tell dad. Every. Time. Lord, once I told her that one of my friends went bi, and she flipped. She called a psychiatrist, and had them set me up an appointment because she was convinced that I was talking about _myself_, and not _them_."

Olivia was astounded.

_What the hell…? Wait a second. Let me get this straight. The other kids know not to tell Kathy stuff, but Lizzie tries anyway. Then, because Lizzie loves her mother and wants to be in her life, Kathy repays her by flipping out? A psychiatrist? REALLY? Oh man. Me and this bitch are gonna have words. Ah, it's nice not to have to think of her as good now. This way, I can think about the five- hundred- and- twelve ways I'm going to either kill, or kick, her ass. Hell, maybe a compilation of all three._

As shocked as Olivia was, it didn't end there.

"Oh," Lizzie continued, "That's not even counting the time I wanted to try out for Color Guard. She about flew off the handle, saying stuff about how all of those girls were lesbians and doing drugs, skipping classes, blah blah blah. It's all absolutely untrue, by the way," she added quickly, reading Olivia's facial expressions. "There are actually a bunch of people who end up going to college on Color Guard scholarships. I know a girl that graduated last year that actually made it to some really awesome college, just because she was amazing at throwing the flag and stuff. Seriously. Oh, and did Dick tell you about that time we came home five minutes late because we got stuck in traffic?" Olivia shook her head no, and Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, that's right. She's the next messiah. Being there to pick up everything dad just dropped for no good reason…"

The sarcasm in her voice was palpable, and Olivia was slightly surprised at her sudden change in tone. _She is a teenager,_ Olivia reminded herself. _Mood- swings are normal. Besides, sadness to anger isn't that far of a jump, especially when it's hurt sadness to begin with. I just can't believe that… I mean, I knew Kathy was distant with the kids for Kathleen to act out as she did, but… apparently distance isn't all there was to the story. Especially if Kathy was strict, along with paranoid? She had a catastrophe waiting, begging to happen._

Olivia cleared her throat slightly. She really didn't want to back up Kathy a little bit, but… Kathy _was_ her mother, after all.

"Lizzie…Maybe your mother was just doing what she thought was right," Olivia tried, speaking calmingly.

Lizzie gave a small, sad chuckle, before sniffing.

"No, Livvie," she said quietly. "She did what she thought would contain us. Control us. I don't know when…" Lizzie looked away before continuing, the pain evident in her voice, "But somewhere along the lines, she stopped loving us. Stopped caring. Maybe we did something wrong. Maybe I didn't make good enough grades, or play well enough in sports…" she trailed off for a moment, before looking Olivia straight in the eyes with a knowing look. "Maybe it was because she finally understood that she had truly lost dad, and looking at us reminded her too much of him."

Olivia opened her mouth slightly, but didn't know quite what to say. Confusion marked her face, and Lizzie's expression changed to one of surprise.

"You didn't – don't know that…" she let out a breath and laughed a little bit, before whistling lowly. She gave Olivia the trademark Stabler grin. "And here I was, all along, thinking you were some badass detective." Her words were light and joking, even more so as she continued. "Even after all these years of being partners with my dad, seeing him day in and day out, you never _once_ picked up on the fact that he –" she trailed off, giggling.

"What?" Olivia asked, a light chuckle lining her words. "I never picked up on what concerning your father?"

Lizzie just laughed, and Olivia wondered just what it could be that the youngest Stabler was referring to.

"Livvie, you sure know how to boost a girl's mood," she said, smiling. Olivia shrugged.

"I try." She winked.

Lizzie stuck her tongue out at her in jest, and Olivia stuck hers right back out.

_Twice in two days? Dear Lord, I'm reverting back to teenage- hood,_ Olivia laughed in her thoughts.

Lizzie kissed her on the cheek, making Olivia freeze slightly, before unwrapping herself from their tangled limbs.

"Goodnight, Olivia."

Olivia smiled gently, and resumed her previous position on the couch, putting the blanket back over her while responding.

"Goodnight, Lizzie."

At the bottom of the stairs, she paused.

"Olivia, will you promise me one thing?" Her voice was quiet, and it was apparent her thoughts had shifted elsewhere. Olivia's eyes softened slightly as she noted the same tone Elliot used sometimes.

"Anything," she said, her voice gentle.

"Don't hurt him."

Lizzie's voice was soft, reflecting her belief; the belief that she really didn't have anything to worry about.

And then she was gone, up the stairs and around the corner before Olivia could even process what she had just promised.

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**A/N: I was gonna make it longer… but then we started doing Trigonometry in Geometry, and let's just say… I failed. Literally. o_o **

**(Ima have to do a lot of studying if I wanna keep my computer, lol.)**

**And remember, reviews make a writer's day! Oh, and if anyone has a request, hit me up(:**


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